There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
