I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
