I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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