this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
