I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
