I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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