Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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