Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
