Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
