I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
