Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
