God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
