my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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