he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
