i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
