there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
