She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize