he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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