420 ftw
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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