why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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