Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Randomize
