the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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