note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
