he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
