You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
