Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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