She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
