No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
