Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
