did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
