Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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