I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
