I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
