did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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