Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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