I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
