I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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