I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
