Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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