awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
