Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
