I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
