if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
