So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
