I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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