Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
