so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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