You're completely useless in the revolution.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
