PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Everyone says I win the strip club
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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