If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
