I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.