I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
