i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize