Texts From Last Night

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  (623): View more from Arizona

  just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"

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  (623): just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!" http://tfl.nu/ezhs
  Replies (13) Good night (2472) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

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  (410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt
  Replies (36) Good night (11888) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

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  (518): I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok. http://tfl.nu/zi5p
  Replies (7) Good night (716) Bad night (3137)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?

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  (734): Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits? http://tfl.nu/qmc8
  Replies (55) Good night (4935) Bad night (1773)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.

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  (440): woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl. http://tfl.nu/ta0b
  Replies (81) Good night (1070) Bad night (4761)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

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  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10267) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

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  (704): I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in. http://tfl.nu/jad0
  Replies (15) Good night (2382) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"

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  (208): They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!" http://tfl.nu/fyfv
  Replies (10) Good night (1678) Bad night (3429)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.

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  (972): Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter. http://tfl.nu/4cll
  Replies (4) Good night (1715) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs

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  (732): I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs http://tfl.nu/vyur
  Replies (6) Good night (2240) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.

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  (202): I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs. http://tfl.nu/lsp5
  Replies (11) Good night (609) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.

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  (574): He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle. http://tfl.nu/u8g2
  Replies (4) Good night (333) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.

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  (860): Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage. http://tfl.nu/sckj
  Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???

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  (708): In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog??? http://tfl.nu/uupj
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Damn, well, it could always be worse

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad

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  (423): Damn, well, it could always be worse (1-423): For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad http://tfl.nu/5yq7
  Replies (0) Good night (337) Bad night (214)

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