The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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