Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
