Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
