i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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