i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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