Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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