The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
