i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
