Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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