Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
