Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
