a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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