I got chris browned last night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
