She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
