They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
