Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
