This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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