He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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